“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
–Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Hello there!
Really hope you all have been doing well. On my end, I am so happy to be back here and able to say hi to all of you again.
Ahh new beginnings..
Here we go again starting a new month, a new season, really.
This summer was a challenging one, to say the least, and I am certainly happy to be moving on from it and into a new time period altogether. Looking back at the challenges I have been through this past summer, I can say it feels like I have not only overcome something, but also conquered a part of myself.
For about seventeen years now, I have dealt with mental health struggles and throughout all this time I have worked hard to strengthen my mental health and thus improve my quality of life. The last two to three years have been better years. It felt like I had passed a sort of hurdle and as such I felt confident and finally ready to start a family with my husband, ready to be the type of mother I would want to be.
As briefly shared in my previous blog post, we happily managed to get pregnant this May but then sadly I suffered a miscarriage in July.
It has been a deep pain and loss and I am sure I could say much more on the matter but what I really want to highlight is the more positive aspect of the experience. Following the miscarriage I was worried I would fall apart and struggle with a deep depression or worse but as time carried on I was relieved and glad to see that I was managing. There were and are still moments, days, when I feel the pain but also I am able to see beyond it, to understand that I don’t know why things happen, and to be thankful even amid my loss because often no matter how dire a situation is, things could be, or could have been worse.
I don’t expect everyone to connect with this point of view but for me it has made all the difference. Years ago I don’t know that I could have coped very well with a loss like this but thankfully, by the grace of God, today I feel as though having passed through this dark time relatively ok I can say it feels as though I have turned a corner and conquered issues that plagued me in the past.
I came to writing as a healing practice, as a way to process life, and bring out meaning and purpose from lived experiences. I don’t know where my (writing) journey will take me but for now I am grateful for the life I get to live – the good as well as the hard.
…
Years ago around 2009/2010 I wrote one of my first poems titled “I’m Free;-I’m Back Again.” At that time it felt like my life was enshrouded in darkness. This pit of despair was my home base. Every now and again it felt like I was freed from this oppressive state of mind and able to experience glimpses of happiness or contentment but all too soon I would be back to my dark prison.
While writing this article I was reminded of this poem and the realization struck me that at last it seems the tides have turned and I am now in a home base of light with occasional moments of darkness. Even though life struggles are unavoidable and may come from time to time it is a great thing to remember that they too will pass and allow for a return home to peace of mind.
In case you would like to read this early poem of mine, you can find it here.
There is more I would like to write and share, like the books I have been reading and enjoying and how my writing projects are going but for now I feel as though I have said enough.
If you would like to see what I have been reading you can check out my ongoing 2024 reading list here.
Until next time –
XOXO,
Angelica Sophia
Angelica Sophia 
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