A1.24.BP8

“Oh, the lovely fickleness of an April day!”

– W. H. Gibson

Find Your Footing & Hang On

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Oh boy! I am definitely channeling this April quote to perfection. Fickle, fickle me.

Definition (according to Merriam-Webster): marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability; given to erratic changeableness.

I hate to admit it but this is exactly how I am at the moment. I wish I wasn’t, it doesn’t make for good writing output and creates a lot of stress. Despite all of this turmoil, I am trying to persevere but I must admit I feel as though I am having a crisis of faith – struggling to trust the process and hang on.

🌸 A Bit of Background Story 🌸

I “officially” started my writing journey September 1st, 2021. I just couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t keep going with a job that I was grateful for (because it payed the bills) but that brought me constant stress and anxiety. I wasn’t happy. I knew writing was the way forward. I had wanted to be a writer, a published author, for a long time, maybe even since before I could verbalize what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I remember being what must have been a twelve year old middle schooler and admiring Harriet from Harriet the Spy so much. And her nanny, Ole Golly, gee was jealous that Harriet had a grown up like her around. I wanted to be Harriet, I wanted to be a writing spy. It was then that I started to keep my own journals and boy was it thrilling. So much so that I never stopped. All this time I’ve been journaling, writing bits of my life, my thoughts, fears, you name it into my notebooks.

And so finally in August of 2021 I put in my two weeks’ notice and left my corporate job to start “my new life as a writer” that September … without anything lined up … just me and my dream.

I will say, this was made possible by my husband, who supports my pursuits and encouraged me to go for it. Thank you, thank you!!!

I spent a year doing the best I could to learn all kinds of writing craft things. Watching videos, reading books, practicing, and on and on. Then in September 2022 I took on a bookseller job. It seemed like a good idea, to be around books and soak it all in. Get in touch, I guess, with the reality, the business side, of writing books.

I still have that job and I enjoy the position very much. It gives me the freedom I need to continue to write and also to connect with the writing world in different ways. I love it! But, it’s now going on three years (~2.5 yrs) since I started on this journey and I feel like I am no further along than when I first began. I worry I don’t have anything “real” to show for all the time and effort put in. The words aren’t coming very easily, the stories aren’t gelling.

Lately, I keep asking myself, what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so inept? Is it that I made a mistake choosing this path?

I hope not, I’m hanging on for dear life. Maybe this is my dark night of the soul and there is light around the corner, hope, a way forward. I really hope so! The truth is, this my life’s dream and I can’t give up on it. It hurts like hell not to be able to express what’s inside of me yet but I believe the day will come when it will come rushing out of me like a waterfall.

🌸 A Bit of Encouragement 🌸

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Psalms 30:5

“Doubt not, O poet, but persist. Say, ‘It is in me, and shall out.’ Stand there, balked and dumb, stuttering and stammering, hissed and hooted, stand and strive, until, at last, rage draw out of thee that dream-power which every night shows thee is thine own…”

From “The Poet” by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Adventures in Reading

TTFN

(Ta Ta For Now)

Alrighty then, well that’s all for now. Thanks for stopping by and reading along. As always I’m happy to hear how things are on your side of the screen in the comment section below.

Until next time!!

💕 xoxo 💕

Angelica Sophia

P.S.

Hope you enjoy the little bee video below. 🐝